My best friend, and fellow fan of “Momastery”, just sent me a link. She thought I should share it with my husband, from whom I’ve been separated for one year. One year on Friday, to be exact. The link is to a story written about a couple who reconciled after one year of having been divorced. The story is beautiful, and inspires hope for all couples out there who might still share love for each other and just not know how to put back together the pieces. This story is not meant for me, because in order for this “missing year” concept to work, there has to be love on both sides of the equation. And my husband no longer loves me.
But I am sharing this story with you, anyway, because it is so lovely. And I am so envious of the couple who finds their way back to each other after “the missing year”. I am jealous of the family they get to be again, and I wish with all of my heart I could inject myself into that same story line with exactly the same outcome. Sadly, I am facing decades of “missing years” for committing a similar crime against my wedding vows. You see, my beautiful and kind husband has the ability to forgive. It is the ability to forget that he does not possess. He simply cannot continue on with me, knowing all of the horrible things I have done over the years. The years when I was not myself, but bad behavior is still bad behavior and I am unable to convince him otherwise.
I hope you will read this story that I have “borrowed”. Thank you, “Momastery” and Vanessa Diffenbaugh for bringing me “The Missing Year”. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share with you that there can be hope for many of you out there. Try to reclaim that love that used to make you a family. I truly wish that some positive reconciliations can come from having shared this piece of her story. There is hope for all of you.
Just not for me.